Life in denial...

I think I (and possibly we as a family) have been in denial about how much this tumour is going to affect our family.  When Abby was diagnosed just over 2 years ago I believed that we could push through surgery and radiation and then get back to normal! Lol  As I write that I know it sounds ridiculous.  Through it all Jerry and I and the other kids have tried to go on life as usual.  After meeting with Abby's teachers last week I had to admit it is not working. 

Poor Abby is struggling in school, she only attends 1/2 time due to fatigue issues, headaches and over heating.  She is struggling socially, emotionally and she is struggling with her weight and diet issues...so much for her to deal with.  We came to the decision this week that I can't work full time and support Abby and the family the way that is needed.  Abby is only attending school 1/2 time and is so far behind I feel guilty that I have been focusing so much on keeping things the same when they so clearly are not.  Last week I quit the job that I have worked so hard to get.  For those who don't know, over the past year I have worked hard to take my canadian securities courses to become a fianacial advisor associate at ATB Wealth.  The reality is now clear that I need to work 1/2 time and there are no 1/2 time positions within my new role.  It makes me sad to have to give up on a career that I am still learning, know would be a great financial asset to my family, a huge help in supporting Abby long term and a job that I could love.  Balancing those long term hopes and dreams with the immediate needs, I know it is what is best for our family and for Abby, but it is still a hard thing to do.  Today I feel like a child, crying and screaming and throwing a fit "It's not fair!  This was not our plan!"  Even with that, when the decision was made we felt peace knowing this is the right decision, it will not be easy, on so many levels, but if I can support Abby and make her struggles just a little easier,  and help her succeed against all she deals with it will be worth the sacrifice. 

All of us know life is not fair, hopes and dreams change and we need to adjust, now we need to adjust and admit life is never going to be the same, time for denial has passed...time for new hopes and dreams.  Time to trust that the Lord's plan for us is better than the plan we had for ourselves.

Comments

  1. MG23 June 2019 at 14:07

    So love and admire you guys. May God hold you all in the palm of His hand. Praying for you and for precious Abby as you walk this journey. With love and prayers So hard to give up our plans and dreams but you are so definitely making the right choice and the most important one.with much love and prayers. Uncle Bill and Aunt Marge❤️

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